Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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