He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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