marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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