Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We are all done wearing pants today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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