Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
