first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
