1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I party with great urgency now.
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