We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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