it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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