Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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