I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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