Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
