Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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