It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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