Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
