It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
