i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
