I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
