He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
