Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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