you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
