Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
