Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
