I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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