Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida