My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.