I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drake has all the answers
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not