She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need a hoe opinion