just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.