you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
