Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
