Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
