I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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