Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
