I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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