i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
