I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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