What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
