This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
