Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
