Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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