I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I color on your dick again?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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