i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
