well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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