I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
