Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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