So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
