i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
