i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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