I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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