They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
