i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
