Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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