I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
