everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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