I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
