i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
