she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
