there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize