He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
