omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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