So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
