drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
