Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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