If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
