After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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