how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
