Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
pray to the hookup gods
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
