I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
